ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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