Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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