Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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