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yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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