wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop