You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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