I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
