is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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