I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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