The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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