i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
