I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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