I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
