I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize