So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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