There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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