He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize