so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??