toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.