How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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