We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
