At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
