oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
