I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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