I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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