I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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