just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
