That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
