toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i can't believe i had my finger in that
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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