I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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