oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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