haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?