We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.