I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ladies don't puke and tell