My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink