I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.