She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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