too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
