Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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