I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize