Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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