your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
