I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize