Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
