he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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