I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
