Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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