the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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