I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
