Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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