drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
