i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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