when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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