literally had 100 drinks last night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
