what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
