grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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